Mark Family Funnies

Submitted on August 19th, 2003 by Crystal

A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.

"You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them."
"All right," said the farmer. "I have a hired man. Been with me for three years.
I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board.

I have a cook. She's been here six months. She gets $500 a week plus room and board."
"Anybody else?" asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad.
"Yeah," the farmer said. "There's a half-wit here. Works about
eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco."
"A ha!" the agent roared. "I want to talk to that half-wit!"
"You're talkin' to him," said the farmer.

Submitted on June 3rd, 2003 by Crystal

Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates, and are comparing stories on
how they had died.

"I froze to death," said the first woman.

"You froze to death -- how horrible!" responded the other woman.

"Well, it wasn't so bad," continued the first woman. "After I quit shaking
from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?"

"I died of a massive heart attack," said the second woman. "I suspected that
my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act but,
instead, I found him all by himself in the den, watching TV."

"So what happened?"

"I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started
running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched and down to
the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under every bed. I
kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally became so exhausted that
I just keeled over with a heart attack and died."

"Too bad you didn't look in the freezer," said the first woman. "We'd both
still be alive."

Submitted on July 14th, 2001 by Crystal

A trucker was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cares are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up, The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I Was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Submitted on June 15, 2001 by Crystal

Two goats are eating cans of film on the back lots of MGM Studios. One goat turns to the other and says, "This film is good." To which the other goat responds, "Not as good as the book."

Submitted on Nov. 13th, 2000

Question. Where do the Russians keep their armies?
Answer: In their sleevies!


Submitted Oct. 12, 2000

A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and know this is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

The woman replied, "Well that first hearse is for my husband."

"What happened to him?"

"My dog attacked and killed him."

"Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women. "Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."



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